Monday, October 3, 2011

Heard it all before, but it bears repeating

I know I'm gonna sound like a broken record this year. Too much to do for school, not enough time with the family. And though Remi is having to deal with sometimes feeling single when I go back to the room and study while he watches evening TV, it's just harder to explain that this year mommy's rather busy to a three-year old. And there are times, many times, when I feel rather sad to have only seen my little one five minutes or not at all in the morning before dashing off. Mondays seem to be tougher on me as I remember the quality time we spent together on the weekend, and I realize I'll have so little time with her on weeknights. Even though I know so many working moms deal with this, I sometimes feel like complaining.

And it seems that Juliette's own school experience is taking a toll on her. She still seems to like it enough, especially lunchtime and eating at the cafeteria. We've noticed her speaking French more clearly now when she "faux-talks" on the phone. And she's speaking more and more French with Remi's family. Still English with me but I can hear a bit more French creep in. Sometimes it makes me twinge a little in that I feel like I'm "losing" her. It's silly, I know, because obviously she is half-French and lives here and must speak that language!

She also acts up a bit more at home. "No" has always been one of her favorite words, but she can yell it with such ferocity now and for the silliest things. Her teacher says she's quite well-behaved at school but that kids sometimes need to "let it all out" at home. It's been tough dealing with tantrums at the end of the day when all I want is to have fun with her. I sometimes even tell her, as she writhes on the floor, that mommy is sad when Juliette isn't happy. Then her screams turn more to sobs and she'll say "make mommy sad" in a guilty wail. I hope I'm not giving her a complex, but I did read that you should explain things to toddlers.

But I try to focus on the good times, like singing songs on the bed after school.

Meanwhile, I've found an internship for my training program. Will be at a company that we'll call Pasta Place in the microbiology lab. At least that's one less thing to worry about. That will be in January, for a seven-week period. I got home early from the interview and didn't think it worthwhile to drive back to school for an hour and a half of English class (what with the price of gas and all, too). So of course I rushed to Blogger to update! Now I'm gonna make some chocolate chip cookies with white chocolate bits before I go pick up Juliette from school at the official end of the school day.


Crystal said...

Awww sorry to hear you are feeling a bit of "mommy guilt" these days. My parents both worked a lot when I was a kid, and maybe back then I remember missing them, but now I know they were doing it to give me and my siblings the best possible life. So don't beat yourself up about any of this - you are doing all that you can to better your own life and hers, and I'm sure on some 3 year-old level, she gets that :)

Glad to hear you got a stage so quickly...I'm looking into some similar programs (school + internships) and I often hear horror stories of how students can never find a company to take them on. I'm sure it will all be very validating for you and open up so many job prospects in the future.

P.S. I could go for a cookie right now!

Jenenz said...

Great news about the internship! And chocolate chip white chocolate chips cookies cure any day.

Thanks for sharing the singing video. Did I really see "Sharkbait ho ha"????? Let's hear it for the Wonderpets. Turtles rule.

Hang in there. You're doing a great job with holding it all together. I hope the cookies were yummy.

Oneika said...

You are doing it so you can all have a better future, so don't despair!!!