Top ten signs you have a ten-ager

My daughter can be a sweet, helpful soul full of empathy.  She can also be a full-fledged ten-ager.  Even before her official birthday came last month, the “tens” had already gone to her curly head.  We started out the school year with the occasional tense mother-daughter moments and we have just added to it on a daily basis.  If you think you have a ten-ager on your hands, read on...

Ten is THE number to be!

1. Everything is lame.  Or nul in French.  We go to an outdoor museum.  It’s nul.  We are watching a travel documentary.  It’s nul.  I tried banning this word for a while.  In vain.
2. Eyes can roll so high.  Full disclosure, I am an eye-roller too.  Only I feel I am more justified.  My little tween rolls her eyes when I ask her to set the table or unload the dishwasher or any other household task, which brings us to… 
3. “It’s not fair!”  No, nothing in life is, sweetie, I tell her.  But this life lesson is lost on her for now because most days she feels chores are my tool to torture her.
4. “Yeah, right!” accompanied by eye rolling.  If I say, you can have your tablet time when we get home from your grandparents, she will reply with this.  As in, I don’t believe you and “it’s not fair!” 
5. It’s all about the shoes/jean jacket/bandana/insert your trendy item here.  And she needs it yesterday.  Ten-agers have recently awoken to all that is fashionable and all that is not.  Those little footsie socks, in.  Regular socks, out.  Baggy jeans, out.  Leggings with the cuffs rolled up, in.  
6. Negotiating with her is harder than with North Korea.  We once spent a better part of her bedtime ritual trying to agree that if she stopped with the snark, I would stop with the lectures and raised voice.  I had to explain to her that I only raised my voice BECAUSE of the snark. 
7. Musically is THE app to have.  If you don’t know what this is, it’s probably because you are over 30.  Since I let her download this (private account, of course), I have been introduced to the music video making snippets that all the tweens are doing.  I am also now totally allergic to the Elie Goulding/Calvin Harris song that she kept playing while making her video.  Don’t even start humming that thing!
8. Don’t mess with the hair.  She is not yet totally obsessed about it and will still ask for the occasional braid.  But the time spent coiffing herself has increased exponentially this year. 
9. Middle school is on the brain.  One more year to stay “little” in elementary school, then the next step is approaching.  She is romanticizing it like so many of her classmates do, wishing she was already in it.  I tell her to be patient; it will be here soon enough.
10. Mother knows best… only ¼ of the time.  Mom (and dad to some extent) just don’t know that much.  Until we prove her wrong and she dares to admit it.  Maybe.

But that’s ok.  I know there will be tough times and much eye-rolling and sighing in my future.  But I also know some of what I say is sinking in.  I also know I went through much the same thing as a kid and put my mom through some tense moments, too (sorry again, mom!).  But I grew up and out of it.  She will too and will become a well-adjusted, kind older teen and adult.  

So excuse me for the next few years as my street cred dwindles to zero and my fashion sense is questioned.  A ten-ager has been born!

Things moms say

You don't have to be a mom to appreciate these.  Chances are you heard them out of your own mom's mouth. Or maybe you find yourself using them on nieces and nephews.  It seems to be ingrained.  And once your child hits the toddler stage or even well before, you might utter a few of these.   When necessary I've included usage notes and translations. 

1. We'll see. Usage: In response to a repeated request for a toy unicorn or any small item your child can't live without.  Translation: Maybe not.  Maybe never.  I just don't have the energy to keep arguing so I'm going to give you this vague promise.

She finally did get her toy unicorn and took this picture of it.

 2. That is NOT a toy.  Translation: I've already told you not to play with that flashlight/pair of binoculars/power drill but you don't seem to understand.  I'm hoping this simple statement of the facts will make you stop, but probably not.

3. Mommy's just a bit frustrated. Usage: after a verbal blow-up.  Best accompanied by an "I'm sorry."  Translation: moms have bad days, too.  Kids need to know we're not perfect (as in "really not perfect").

4. This is the last time I ask you to do this. Translation: This is probably really the third to last time I ask you.  I've already asked five times.  Consider this as a warning that there may be a blow-up (which may lead to a #3 statement).

5. How many times do I have to tell you?  Usage: When the child still hasn't brushed her teeth/hair/put on her coat.  Translation: Like #4, there will probably be at least two more warnings.

6. One day you'll understand (when you have a strong-willed child just like you!).  Implied meaning: And I hope you'll call me and ask, how did you do it mom?

Me in my toddler years.  I only *looked* sweet and innocent.

 7. Because. The classic one-word response that says it all. Translation: I have no more reasons to give you anyway and this should suffice.  Variations: Because I said so. / Because I'm the mommy/boss.

8. I already said no.  Already asked, already answered,as this parenting advice column suggests, could be a strategy for nagging.  Translation: Please stop asking because you (should) already know the answer.

9. Alright. Usage: In my family this is the precursor to a command and J won't have any of it anymore.  She doesn't like the implied tone of "let's get down to business" and told me to no longer say "alright" at the beginning of my phrases when it's bath time. So I'm switching to "ok" or "time for your bath" etc.

10. I'm going to get angry.  Translation: In other words, you ain't seen nothin' yet.  Or, I already am angry but I've been holding it in.  Soon you'll be hearing #3. 

But the most important thing moms and dads should say is...

I love you.  No translation needed.  But it's implied in the ten statements above, because if we didn't care enough to get angry and show our kids how to behave, they'd turn into monsters who were socially unacceptable.  Dr. Spock (the baby one, not the Vulcan) backs me up on this.  So keep on lovin' and teaching them manners, but as kindly as possible. 

What did your parents always say to you?  What do you say to your kids or nieces and nephews.

The Five Hidden Joys of Parenting

There are lots of things to treasure as a parent.  Number one being your child, of course!  But amid all the grumbing about lost sleep and discipline problems with tweens (and I'm conviced tweenhood starts at six), parents sometimes forget to mention a few other perks.  I'm here to correct that situation.  Here are some things parenting allows you to rediscover that you might have forgotten.


1. Blanket forts.  Need I say more?  
Do you guys remember the meme about "I've decided not to be an adult.  If anyone needs me I'll be in my blanket fort...coloring"?  I "liked" the heck out of that post.  Because I adore blanket forts.  And I think we all secretly do.  Now when I make them for Juliette I treasure getting in there with her and ejoying the filtered light.  It's a little cocoon from the outside world. Check out some of the amazing forts in this link. This one has to be my favorite.

2. Watching "kid movies" as much as you want
I've always watched so-called kid movies.  Harry Potter and Finding Nemo were some of my faves even before I had a child.  I consider myself lucky though to continue discovering new films because of my daughter.  I don't know that I would have rushed out to see Paddington but I'm glad we saw it because it's actually a beautifully filmed work of art.  Yes, I did say that a movie about a bear is a work of art!  The colors and whimsical objects and images are really gorgeous and whisk you off to a warm and cozy world.  I would love to live in their house filled with jewel tones of red and blue and yellow.  

link to original website

And thanks to my mom, we are now the proud owners of Despicable Me and the sequel.  Steve Carell's voicework as Gru kills me, and there are some priceless moments in these films.  Juliette and I love remembering the dialogues!

3. Coloring
Who said coloring was just for kids? When Juliette started scribble-scrabbling at about age 2, I would color with her. I soon remembered how calming it could be to just doodle and use markers to fill in a space.  I find myself  encouraging her to do coloring because it's a nice sit-down activity when I'm tired, and I can feel it soothing me.  It's no wonder that adults are getting into coloring too now with their very own books.  Instead of Disney princesses you can find more complex floral or architectural images.  So grab your markers and go!

4. Eating plain meals
Several parents have mentioned that once they had kids, they felt less guilty about eating pasta and ham on a regular basis.  And it's true.  Way to exploit your child's finnicky tendancy into stress-free easy-to-prepare meals for you!  They call them comfort foods for a reason, and if your kid actually finishes her meal for once, that's bonus points!

5. Enjoying quiet moments
Though "quiet" and "children" don't always seem to be words that go together, having kids is sometimes an opportunity to stop and smell the roses (because your toddler is walking so slowly and dilly-dallying anyway).  I've visited the duck ponds in my city much more often since Juliette was born.  And in the process I've treasured some quiet moments of nature watching or caught some lovely sunsets.  And though bedtime can be a rushed and hectic part of the day, winding down in my little girl's bed with a story read in hushed tones can lull me into a reverie.   Not to mention take me back to my own childhood.

Winter sunset at the duck pond.

Can you think of any other benefits to reliving childhood through your child's eyes?  What are your guilty pleasures that some might say are reserved for kids?  Go ahead, do it.  I sure won't tell anyone.