Perfection killed the cat

It's nearly nine p.m. on a weeknight.  My daughter suddenly thinks of a dozen things she'd like to clean up and organize before bed.  It exasperates me.  But the other evening as I was brushing my teeth at the same time as her I started tidying up the towels on the radiator (toothbrush still in mouth) and taking the dustpan to sweep up an annoying pile of something or another.

I decided to own up to the situation.  "You see," I told her, "I get crazy about stuff before bed time, too."  She laughed and made a game out of it, telling me to stop cleaning the bathroom.

Ah, doesn't that make you feel good?!

Just another way she and I are painfully alike: we are perfectionists.  We don't feel right when that picture frame is off.  We feel icky when the coffee table is cluttered.  And though I often have to let these things slide due to lack of time, there comes a moment when I can't stand it and start tidying up in spurts.  Only to get sidetracked again and abandon it for weeks.

But I wonder if this nervous energy does us perfectionists any good?  In fact, could it be dangerous?  Flashback to me bending over with a toothbrush in my mouth, one of my husband's biggest pet peeves.  I could have hurt myself, all because I was too eager to straighten things up.

It could even be deadly.  Recently France remembered the death of a famous singer who died 40 years ago when he straightened a light bulb while in his bathtub full of water.  Maybe it's proof that perfectionists can let that drive to orderly and clean bliss take over their logical thinking.  Maybe leaving well enough alone is healthier all around.

But like me browsing the Ikea catalog and feeling somehow calmed by those Zenly interiors or Modern Family's Claire Dunphy checking out "organization porn" (closets, to be clear!), an orderly home or office can lead to a peaceful state of mind.  Why else would people be so into decluttering their drawers and homes these days?

But with a husband whose job literally brings in potting soil into my house, a daughter who leaves stickers and McDonald's Happy Meal toys everywhere, and now a six-month old, I can kiss my dreams of that Zen home goodbye for at least ten years.

Perhaps that's a good thing because too much decluttering is cold.  And perfectionists live ten years less than non-perfectionists.  I just made that up to shock you.  Nobody is perfect, after all.

Summer '16 in review, pop song version

This year I almost feel like I didn't have a summer.  Cue the violin music.  I moved, which took up so much time.  We only took a few days here and there to do a few day trips while my family came to visit.  I am not feeling sorry for myself.  Ok, a little.  It's just that, I feel like summer came and went without me enjoying it to the fullest.

Of course, we knew this summer would be a transitional one.  Moving is such a big event and it takes a lot out of you (still is!).  So, here's a little summer in review for you, brought to you by a few summer hits that kept me going through all the packing, unpacking and cleaning...
  
This is what you came for (Rihanna)
Yes, this is what WE came for.  A house.  It was our big summer project.  We'd been waiting for over three years to have a place of our own.  And so the summer of sacrifice was for this reward.  But there is always that "be careful what you wish for" backlash.  With a bigger house comes more to clean, suprise repairs, and, of course, a house payment.  Adjustments, transitions, deep breaths!

Making our mark on the new place. 

Cheap Thrills (Sia)
The opening lines of this one were practically my summer anthem.  "Come on, come on, turn the radio on."  I have never listened to the radio at home as much as I did this summer.  When I say home I also mean the old apartment, too.  Without my favorite pop radio station, I might have nearly gone crazy as we scrubbed the grease off my old kitchen floor.  And re-painted the walls.  And then painted the walls in our new place. When Juliette hears some of those pop songs now, she says it reminds her of when we cleaned.  And she sometimes even asks me to turn the channel.

Cleaning the apartment floor.  Mommy's little helper.

Cake by the Ocean (DNCE)
I don't believe I ate cake by the ocean this summer. But we did get away for a day trip with my mom in August to a local beach. And we had a picnic and I did eat an ice cream cone...by the North Sea.  It wouldn't be summer without toes in the sand!

Beach trip and ...check!

We don't talk anymore (Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez)
We don't talk anymore, except about the house... Typically, like most couples, Remi and I tend to have animated conversations about home decorating now, or the most urgent repairs we need to make given our small disposable income. And what I knew before is still true today: having a house doesn't make everything hunky-dory.  It just makes your life a little bit more comfortable, but also more complicated.

To buy or not to buy.  Ikea visits and decorating, oh my!

 So as fall wiggles its way in, I'll try to look back on the summer of '16 as a busy but essential one.  Full of memories and singing along with the radio and elbow grease and family visits.  And a disturbing number of Justin Bieber songs that I actually liked.

Stop Drop and Relax

My mom says I can't sit still. When she comes to visit me lately she says I never stop.  I come home, sweep up the grains of cat litter on the floor, start dinner prep (yes, I washed my hands before!), put laundry in the machine, take laundry out, put Juliette in the bath, water the plants, etc. This is not to say I never goof off and do time-wasting activities like Facebook (oh, and I seemed to have crept up from one to two or three FB checks per day again), chilling a bit in front of mindless tv or just staring off into space.  And I try to always put some useful free time in there like playing with Juliette, too.  But my mom is right that I don't give myself a lot of downtime.

Life is not a sprint.

Even when I'm on vacation, the very definition of relaxation, I find that I am always wondering and worrying about the next step.  Where will I park? Will the hotel be decent? Will I find my way back to the highway easily?  Will the e-tickets be acceptable or should I have printed them?  Sometimes I find myself anticipating the end of the day or even the end of the vacation because then all my "challenges" will be accomplished!

This is no way to live.  Just like taking a whole bunch of pictures without really taking the time to enjoy them at the moment, I seem to be rushing through life in general.  I know that it's the journey, not just the destination.  But how can I get off the hamster wheel of mild worry and constant cleaning up only to have the house dirtied again in two seconds.  Lather, rinse, repeat, as my friend Crystal likes to say in these moments.

You might remember the old stop, drop and roll from fire prevention videos.  It's still the best thing to do in case of fire, by the way.  But why not stop, drop (whatever you're doing, as long as it's not breakable) and relax.  It could be the remedy for letting everyday stress go.  And it could prevent that drive for unattainable perfection from getting in the way of savoring life.  Or letting too much technology spoil enjoying the moment.  Sometimes I feel like saying to myself, put down the phone and no one will get hurt.  I know I'm on it too much.  But isn't everyone?  It's the acceptable addiction today. But maybe it gets in the way of unadulturated free time.  If I am always in the middle of a texting or email correspondence, it feels like I'm always in suspense.

So as my own vacation approaches, I want to be mindful of my tendency to overachieve around the house or want things just so.  The world keeps on turning even if my closet isn't organized.  And maybe life is still fun when things aren't planned out to the last detail.  Maybe it's even more fun.  It's ok if we get a little lost on our road trip.  Doesn't that make for a great memory after (as long as knock down-drag out fights don't ensue)?  And I will try to put down that darn phone and FB in favor of face-to-face interactions.  People, not just pixels.  Ok, a few pixels, too.

Let's stop racing and let's start living.

Musings of a Part-time Housewife

Notice I did not say "desperate".  January, and now February, being rather slow work months, I've found myself with a little more time on my hands than usual.  My job teaching English to adults often leaves me with some holes in my schedule, but since the beginning of the year those holes have been more like craters.  In fact there have been a few days I didn't work at all.

I've essentially always worked since I finished school.  I was lucky enough to find work pretty quickly in France, too.  And I only took a few months off when Juliette was born, though I again had some very light work days when I returned to my job.  But it has taken a bit of adjustment to have this much spare time.  How do I fill that time, you may ask? 

Tea, tea and more tea
Luckily I've got colleagues and girlfriends who are kind of in the same situation lately.  And what do ladies with gaps in their schedule do?  They get together for tea.  And cookies.  And chatting.  This slow period also being in winter, tea or hot chocolate are the things to drink.  So in addition to checking out a salon de thé with one friend, I've had girlfriends over for a quick tea.  And I've been able to go to morning tea with the Anglican group.  That's something I could never do when my schedule was filled.

I'm so lucky to have discovered this group through my other expat friends.  It's quite amusing just to listen and observe. The women who come range in age from 30 to 75.  Some are British with chirpy or crisp sing-songy accents, as compared to my "flat" American one.  There is tea, Marks and Spencers, last time, and conversation.  Last time an older Scottish woman asked in her soft voice if anyone was going to England and could pick up some black currant throat losenges.  When the other ladies said that brand was available in France, she said, but not the black currant ones.  Some French women come to practice their English.  Once a year they do a book sale with mostly English books.  It's a very pleasant way to pass the time.

Time sort of well spent
At first I had high hopes of getting some of those old projects done.  Like finally finishing my photobook creation online or, who knows, actually filling the photo albums from Juliette's toddler years.  So many projects, so little motivation.  Because now that I actually do have some time, I generally prefer to do other things.  Like drink tea.  And get Juliette for lunch or on Wednesday afternoon when she has no school.  I have done a wee bit of organizing.

It's also been an opportunity to get some long-needed doctor visits out of the way.  I've been to the dentist and Juliette, too (her first time, mind you!) and I took her to the dermatologist.  It's just a little easier to arrange these things when my schedule is lighter.

Say "cheese"!

And as you may have noticed I've been a bit better about regular blog posts.  It's a slightly positive note that in no way will counterbalance what will surely be puny pay for January.

I also was able to snap some photos in the snow one morning (since I had the time...)

Clean-ish
I wish I could tell you I've cleaned my house from top to bottom and totally solved my organisational issues.  That would be lying. But I have cleaned my living room windows a bit more than usual.  And I must say, of all the methods mentioned to me by overzealous French cleaners, the winner is... good old Windex.  Whenever I try the white vinegar and soap, it still seems to leave streaks that look worse than before.  Even trying to use a squeegee to dry it up leaves streaks (guess I'm not ready for Olympic Squeegee trials).

Let's face it, I'm just not a clean freak.  When I have time to spare, I'd rather be doing more interesting things like baking, writing, playing with Juju...  But not having to rush off to work right away some mornings means my kitchen is generally a little cleaner than when I have to start at 8 o'clock.  I've been able to stay a bit more on top of my recycling bin and trash.  Anyway, when our lives are over, I don't think we'll say, man, I should have scrubbed my house more often.  However, they do say, cleaning can help you "clean out" your mind, too and settle things for you.  Just seeing something that you made cleaner yourself can give a feeling of satisfaction. 

The best of both worlds?
In the end I know that I need to work both to keep us afloat financially and for my own mental health.  By saying that I mean absolutely nothing negative for those women who are full-time housewives, be it by choice or because circumstances have put them in that position.  I just see for myself I need activities to get me out of the house (work or otherwise) and the company of colleagues and friends (lucky for me my colleagues are friends, too).  That said, I really enjoy having some flexibility in my schedule and being able to participate in other activities.  Soon my work will increase (I hope!) and these will just be distant musings. I'm glad to have had this time for myself.

Where do you see yourself on this issue?  Can you stay home? Do you want to? What's ideal for you?

Me vs. The Buggies

I'm on my 39th load of laundry this week (give or take).  My comforter and duvet cover and one fluffy seat cushion are drying on the balcony in the sort of warm sun.  Last weekend it was curtains and the other seat cushions and sheets.  And there's a host of other bed clothes and the couch's slipcover which are in garbage bags tucked away where I can find space and which are awaiting their turn in the spin cycle. 

And everything smells faintly of lavendar as apparently this is repulsive to head lice.

Head lice have become my number one enemy since Juliette has had a few mild cases of them this year. Strangely I never saw one bug or egg until this, her third year of pre-school.  (I will not gross you out with photos of head lice, but feel free to Google it if you're a masochist.)  And to make matters worse, the cat has fleas.  He's an inside cat!  But he had some scabs on his ear and when the vet used her special comb she found a few live fleas and plenty of flea poop (uh, sorry if you were eating).  And that was just from combing one small area of his fur. 

So that's why I have had to go into Extreme Cleaning Mode.  Again.  Thankfully my husband got us a kick-a** Hoover vacuum last summer (don't worry, I told him appliances are cool but not really romantic gifts).  But it was a wise choice considering how many surfaces need to be vacuumed with the double whammy of fleas and lice. 

I haven't even gotten around to mopping the floors or even completely combing poor Catki (but I did buy the brush). 

Meanwhile I'm becoming well-versed on anti-lice and anti-flea techniques.  It seems lice don't like lavendar or tea tree oil so spreading this on scarves and the backs of shirts can repel them from your child's head.  However, for kids under 12 avoid putting essential oils on their skin, since my pharmacist said this can have adverse effects on them if it gets in their bloodstream.  I've been putting it in the laundry though. 

White vinegar kills lice well but try spreading it on your kid's scalp and there will be crying!  The pediatrician said you can comb it in mesh by mesh to avoid the acid getting in their eyes.  But it does work well cleaning hairbrushes and combs.  I tried a lotion called EcoPrioderm that supposedly kills the lice by suffocation as it's very oily.  They say this prevents lice from becoming resistant as it's a physical and not chemical method.

As for fleas, I went ahead and treated the carpet, chair and couch with an anti-flea product that had to stay on 3 hours while we got out of the house.  But I've since read that spreading salt and baking soda on your carpet overnight and rubbing it in with the broom will kill fleas and eggs.  But don't let your cat or kid on the carpet during this time as the salt could get on them.

Meanwhile, I pray I won't see Juliette scratching her head again.  Or me for that matter.  And I am feeling very tired from all this EXTRA cleaning AND a lingering head cold AND a regular work week!  Is it too early to think about a vacation?

Work in progress

I have inherited my mother's dislike of clutter.  However I have a five and half year-old who has so many toys you'd think we actually have three kids instead of one.  I also have a husband who likes to leave things around and I myself am not very good at keeping up with my paperwork.  Résultat: when I walk into my apartment there is a "pleasant" sense of disorder;  I try to look past it and see the cheerful colors, but I generally get absorbed by all those dust bunnies and suddenly I feel all yucky inside.  I'm not a perfectionist about housekeeping by any means.  But I keep wishing things were cleaner around here.


The problem with me is that it takes years (literally) for me to finish projects.  I think I mull things over a long time and I am also limited by time and help since Remi works a good part of the weekends or we spend maybe a third or closer to half of all Sundays at his greenhouse.   Excuses, excuses.  Maybe I just don't have the get up and go to throw things out and clear spaces.  Maybe I'd rather blog or make muffins or chill than get into radical clean mode.

But I finally decided to take action on at least one corner.  I'm 99% on the way to getting rid of my dinosaur computer from 2005 that I no longer use.  Gotta wipe the hardrive before I take it to the recycling center (any advice on that?) but I did manage to fit the old computer desk in my miniscule car and get it out of the apartment.  Good friend Caro and her obliging husband helped me get a new Ikea shelf box in my car.  Remi helped screw in the tough parts but I'm proud to say I did most of the constructing of my shelf (score for womankind).

BEFORE (Mega problems getting iPad photos in right position!)

AFTER

And slowly but surely one corner is slightly more functional, which allows me to clear clutter in other areas.  I'm still so far from my dream world of storage space for everything.  Does anyone remember this Rubbermaid ad where the family organizes their house with storage tubs?  Check out the 90s hair!




I still find myself thinking my life would be perfect if only surfaces were cleaner.  That's just not true.  Sometimes I do have to remind myself, the dust and grime can wait, Juju doesn't care about a clean house but just having fun.  But part of me keeps thinking just one more storage unit might solve all my problems!  And that this would be a truly dreamy living room (minus the bear rug!).  Check out more cool ideas from their website: http://www.digsdigs.com/ikea-storage-organization-ideas-2013/

Why is it more fun to do other people's dishes?

I wash the gold-rimmed China in my mother-in-law’s kitchen. I’m careful not to break the delicate blue-flowered plates that she uses for our Sunday meals. I even dry them with the cotton dishtowel and stack them neatly on the dining room table. I know later she’ll put them up in the warm wood buffet. And I wonder why I never take so much care (or pride) in cleaning my own things.

I also have nothing better to do on this Sunday afternoon at the in-laws’. As I mentioned before, Remi’s been working seven days a week, and as a compromise, I follow him to work at least one day of the weekend. Which means all my own chores are either crammed into Saturday or not done at all. Never mind that we’ve had a good deal of long weekends and in theory I should have been able to catch up. My own dining room table generally has bread crumbs from breakfast, piles of supermarket mailings and paperwork I need to file. My own sink is probably full, unless I courageously did the dishes at 9 the night before (after dinner at 8).

Yes, I’m still having a lot of trouble keeping up with housework. Despite trying to be more organized (not going empty-handed to the other side of the house, thus minimizing all that walking), the laundry basket, sink and pile of clothes to be ironed are overflowing. Dust bunnies are evolving into wooly mammoths. Mildew is staking claim in the bathroom. Those photo albums for my wedding (from 2006!) and baby’s first months are still not done. And no, to answer your question, I don’t spend all my free time online, though I might be addicted to it in some form.

It's not that I want to be Martha Stewart perfect. But a minimum of cleanliness and organization would be nice. My aunt sent me a card before baby was born that said a clean house wasn’t as important as a happy baby. I sure hope baby’s happy, because the apartment surely ain’t clean.