Perspective will always be something in short supply for me. This week there have been lots of wake-up calls to try and remind me that I’m just one little person on this crazy planet, but still I falter.
Monday night Remi came home with flowers. But not for me. He had to make a flower arrangement for a funeral the next day for a twenty-year old girl. It shook me up to think of those white roses and pink gerber daisies that would be out in the cold the next day to honor this brief life.
And on that same day Tata Marie’s husband had to go back to the clinic as he was having trouble breathing. Unfortunately the cancer’s he’s been battling for four years is weakening him. Tata tries to be so strong, and she is, but I see it gets to her some days.
Then Wednesday morning I woke up to hear about more tragedy on a larger scale in Haiti after the horrendous earthquake there.
Wednesday also brought more snow and a chance of sleet, so I decided not to go to a workshop an hour and a half away that I was supposed to attend. The night before I’d been irritable trying to print out my rough drafts for this and was short with Juliette as she wanted up in my lap again and again as I was on the computer. And then I felt bad for yelling at her when she went into tantrum mode. Why hadn’t all those more important life lessons struck a chord? Why was I still sweating the “small stuff”? What would it take to make me stress less for good?
Around 9 that night she woke crying and I went in her room to rock her back to sleep. Her breathing became regular quickly and her body was heavy with sleep in my arms. I silently apologized again to my baby for being in a bad mood.
And like everyday that I “fall off the wagon” I promise that the next day I’ll try to remember those life lessons. Better luck next time.