I had a student the other day say that for her, things were black or white. She was referring to a work issue and how it was hard for her to make her employee understand something that seemed quite straightforward to my student. It made me think of an issue I had had myself earlier in the week where I could see all the shades of grey but my colleague was staunchly black and white.
Then I started to think that maybe the world was made up of two categories of people, those who see things in such a logical, clear-cut way and those who ruminate, get lost in and maybe never find their way out of the forest of greys. I am clearly in the latter category.
There are some simple decisions that I can make quickly. But even "easy" decisions that have no major consequence on my life sometimes put me in that gray dilemma zone. Should I stop to buy some bread now? But if I do I'll get in traffic and get home later. If I go to this bakery I have to park here and it's hard to pull out onto the street. If I go to the other one I could get those good homemade pizzas. Or I could make my own pizza. But that would take more time at home... by which time I will probably have driven past all the bakeries and have arrived at my destination!
Sometimes I truly wish I could be one of those clear-cut, logical people. But my brain is just not often that way. Take changing cars. After saying I wanted to change my car for one with actual a/c and not that wimpy fan that I have in mine, I finally put it for sale on an online site. When I started getting actual interest and messages I started panicking and wondered if I had made the right decision. Answering messages stressed me. What if this person was a crook, unreliable, trying to pay in counterfeit money? Maybe I shouldn't sell my car at all and just keep it because change is too scary!
Aha! I think I put my finger on it. In some cases I see the grey because I cannot see the clear advantages of one or another choice. My stress level rises in this totally indecisive area. Another student told me they hate making decisions and would actually prefer someone else make decisions for them! I totally agree!
But in other cases grey is good. I think the ability to see the nuances and not just a binary choice is positive. When discussing and negotiating, recognizing the other party's view as just a darker shade of your perspective, can lead to compromise. Nilofer Merchant, TED talker and kick-ass business woman, says the same thing. She suggests walking meetings and has found that getting "out of the box", literally, helps people to see things differently and more as a spectrum instead of diametrically opposed.
So maybe we need the grey to come together and overcome what sometimes seem to be impossible odds. Just as long as the waves of grey don't slow us down in everyday life. I am still not sure what to do about my car. Which happens to be a grey one! Coincidence? I think not!
1 comment:
Just now found your post. You are not alone. Many of us overthink things, and then there's also those of us who can see both sides, or multiple sides--so making decisions is almost the equivalent of having to put on warpaint, armor up, and just take the leap!
Or...you could ask an odd number of people what their opinion is about something, and then you listen and make your own assessment from their comments. That won't help when you're in the car trying to decide about picking up some bread. Err on the side of "yes" for bread. It will always get eaten in YOUR house!
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