When working from home becomes a nightmare...

Let's just say things have been a bit wild at my place the last two weeks. After the French president announced that schools would be closed for at least three weeks to stem the rising numbers of Covid cases and hospitalisations, I wondered how I was going to manage.  Like so many parents, especially moms, I had no choice but to watch the kids, especially my 3-year old.  My twelve-year old would happily draw and do tutorials and lounge around her room all day if I let her, but a toddler is obviously a different story...

I can do this, right? I asked myself.  I had already done a few online lessons with Alex in the background.  Sometimes jumping on the couch, sometimes pulling on my arm for a candy.  My students understand as most have kids themselves.  There was one week earlier this spring I had to do it when his class was closed due to one positive case in a pupil.

But three weeks of homeworking is another story.  I got off relatively easy during the first lockdown as I didn't have many online classes then.  Our days melded together in a strange schedule of sleeping in (for the kids), playtime inside or out, games, lunch, nap for the boy.  We got stir-crazy for sure.  But I didn't have the pressure of preparing and doing lessons. 

Now I feel the craziness that so many other lockdown parents have been.  Keep the kids (especially the little one) happy and calm, make a quick lunch, spend some time with them, while still delivering quality work!  Fortunately my schedule wasn't overly full the first two weeks.  It will be busier this upcoming week! 

I feel a constant push and pull of needing to do my work (prepare and actually DO the lesson) and be there for the children, provide for their physical and emotional needs.  And it doesn't help matters that my son is at that age where a tantrum is never far off.  My greatest fear is that he goes full tantrum mode during a lesson!  Most of my students have already seen his blonde head pop up on the screen as he asks for chocolate or the "tabou-lette" as he calls my iPad.  Yes, I am far beyong limiting screen time these days.  Screens are my babysitter.

So whereas before I would look at my schedule and calculate when I would be getting home or need to be leaving in the morning, now I look at it and wonder when I can feed the kids and get Alex down for a nap.  And is my lesson at a time when he is relatively calm and amenable or getting antsy?  If I have three hours in a row can I put my student on a task to put him (my toddler, not the student!) to bed for a nap (if he's willing!).

It has created a new kind of stress that is added to my existing anxiety about doing a good job and meeting the student's needs.  And there is nothing I can do about it.  One more week, I hope that is all, because I feel guilty not being able to be there fully for the kids and this stress is certainly not good for anyone.  

On the bright side, I suppose I am getting to spend a bit more time with the kids.  But it is often associated with this anxiety.  I can only do so much.  I can't change what is beyond my control.  And no doubt one day I'll look back on these three weeks and the respective ages of my kids with a bit of nostalgia.  If only I could enjoy this time a little more now!