The name's bond, baby bond

When I saw my friend Rebecca last summer, the afternoon before we took off to return to France, I asked her what it was like with two kids.  She's a mother to an exuberant nine-year old like me, and a precious boy of five.  She loves those kids fiercely, as I do my Juju.  She knew what it meant to worry about the bond with a new child.  Would there be enough room after the all-consuming fusional relationship with the first child?

She answered with her wide brown eyes and her round accent that still lets the southern shine through.  "The bond was instant," she said reassuringly.

I still had to see for myself, doubting Milam that I am.  But armed with her advice, I wasn't worrying too much.

Then a month and a half later my baby came and was laid next to my groggy head after a c-section that wasn't planned.  I don't remember much after the incision and the tugging feeling that made me ask them if the epidural was working.  But I do remember stroking my baby and smiling goofily (got the pictures that Remi took to prove it).  And feeling just fine, truly happy.

It could have a lot to do with hormones or the fact that it is a second child, but I have to say Rebecca got it right.   The bonding happened quite easily, naturally.  Despite the painful recovery after Cesarean, the late night and early morning feedings, I really did love my little Alex right away.  It could also be that I know he is my last little one and I am appreciating these baby moments that I know will go so quickly.  Doesn't hurt that he is a good sleeper!

And if you are a mom or mom-to-be reading this and shaking your head saying the bond didn't or won't happen right away, don't worry.  With my first, though I felt that same euphoria as I came off the anesthesia high, those first three weeks of nursing difficulties and sleep deprivation took their toll.  Though I adored my little one, I was more anxious as a first-time mom.  There is no timetable or "right" way to bond.  If dealing with your little one still feels like a struggle, that is perfectly normal.  There are good days and bad days.  And I hope there are more good ones for you (and for me).

I just simply wanted to sit back and admire how flexible and roomy our hearts are.  How when we think our hearts are full, there is room for more.  It's what I tried to tell Juliette before her brother was born, to reassure her that I would love them both.  And thankfully, it's true.  Her heart is stretching, too, making a connection to her little bro'.  May wonders never cease...

Why pencils have erasers

I hate making mistakes.

It doesn't matter that I know that pencils have erasers on the ends because, to err is human.  It doesn't matter that I sing along with Shakira's Try Everything song from Zootopia, and remind myself that "I'll keep on making those new mistakes."  It doesn't matter that I tell my daughter these same things when she goes on a perfectionist rage (wonder where she gets that from?!).

It doesn't matter because I still get that pit in my stomach (even if it disappears quite quickly) when I realize, damn, I goofed.

Take last Tuesday morning: I put the numbing lidocaine patches on baby's thighs as instructed by the doctor, one hour before the supposed appointment for the vaccines.  And I arrived at the free appointment room only to notice that the doctor comes every other week.  As in not this week.  So I put the patches on for nothing and got baby bundled up for nothing.

I could feel the hint of a tear come to my eyes at the mistake, or more at appearing silly in front of the nurses and employees there.  But they weren't judging me or chastising me at all.  It was just me being hard on me.  Fumblingly I stripped baby down to his onesie for the weighing and visit with the nurse.  That I could still do and ask a few questions about baby's health.

I chatted with another mom whose baby boy was six weeks old.  Alexandre was about that age when I first brought him here for his first weighing with this free service.  I listened to the lady who had come to talk about children's books and asked her about books for babies Alex's age.

While talking with her she noticed my accent and asked where I was from.  There I was thinking I didn't have much of an accent anymore, but I guess I always will!  And she asked me if I knew any English lullabies.  As she goes around different communities and does singing and other activities, she wanted me to sing her one.  And so a few minutes later I was singing Twinkle Twinkle, Little Start and she recorded it on her smart phone.

Then I saw the nurse and got Alex weighed.  He is over 12 pounds now (5.6 kg) and alert as always.  I asked her about cradle cap (don't worry, she said, no need to scrape it off) and when to start solids (six months is what they say now).  And then I dressed baby back to face the cold and said goodbye to the lady who had recorded my voice singing.  I told her I could participate in an activity if she wanted in the future.

So out of my "mistake" grew a chance meeting.  A few conversations and smiles.  Not bad for your ordinary Tuesday.