All that matters

Warning, I'm gonna be a bit of a downer here...

You no doubt heard about the tragic loss of life last week in France. Seven people, three of whom were young children, were gunned down by a man who was acting based on very radical religious beliefs. It affected all of us, French or not, Jewish or not, Muslim or not, parents or not. I remember hearing the news about the school shooting, imagining the gorgeous blue sky we'd had that morning, the mild temperatures. It started out as a picture perfect Monday, and folks were taking their kids to school. They never imagined what nightmare was awaiting them.

That night I felt kind of down, and as Remi watched Lethal Weapon (he has action movie radar, I'm telling you), the violence and gunshots started getting to me. Reminding me of the weapons that terrorist had used on innocents that morning. But my brain started getting into the good guy versus bad guy story, and I wanted to believe that the good guys could win.

Later that week the murderer was found and surrounded in his apartment. He talked of giving himself up, and also of wanting to die with a gun in his hand. In the end, it's the latter that came true.

Nothing can replace those precious lives lost, and I can only send out prayers to the families. But one good thing might have come of all this. Because this man shot some Muslim soldiers living in France (though he was Muslim himself), there was grief in both the Muslim and Jewish community. There was something of a coming together of these two communities and also the moderate Muslims wanted to make sure that their faith was not tarnished by this one radical man's behavior. I even asked the two Muslim guys in my class what they thought and they said that their religion says when you kill someone, you kill a part of humanity.

And, like any tragedy will do, things become sharper, more in focus for those of us who go on with our lives. Hugging our loved ones at the end of the day is really the most precious gift of all, and more important than any grade or what's for dinner or on TV that night.

Still, it does make me wonder, why this old world of ours can be so very cruel. And the hardest battle is staying positive despite all the blackness. I'll let wordsmith Neil Finn finish this post for me:

Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over...

Back to the grind...argghhh!

Sunday afternoon, the warmest and sunniest we've had in months, and I'm trying not to think about the nearly four months of exams and stress that await me. Internship is over and school starts back tomorrow. It's a mix of apprehension and excitement. Dread for the work that must be done, excitement that it's almost done and that the internship taught me new things. Just four months, even a bit less. I can do this thing, right?! I've got to. I've come this far, I must see it through.

It's just tough to put myself back into that routine I so nicely fell out of. Seven glorious weeks of sleeping slightly later, leaving a little later in the morning, spending next to nothing on gas, getting Juliette earlier from school. Not having to feel guilty if I spent an evening or weekend not reviewing my head off. Yeah, it's been nice! And I'm not exactly overjoyed to endure some of the immaturity in my class and the smoke-filled breaks outside, and, whoah, wait, let's try to stay positive about this thing!

Sometimes I keep thinking, "I'll be happy when..."

• I finish my diploma
• I get a stable job
• my apartment is totally clean (like that will ever happen)
  
• my closets are completely organized (will only happen if I get on one of those shows where the cleaning fairies come to my house)
  
• we get a house I can decorate in my style...

You get the picture. I have gotten better at happiness in the moment, but I still keep that list of things I don't yet have in my head.

We did take time out this morning to see the zoo visit at the circus that's in town. And we got to see the rehearsal for free. Juliette had that look of pure child-like joy on her face and it was fun to see her get so excited about the animals. I know these next months will be tough, but I must vow to take time for my little wonder-muffin and my husband. Here are a few pics of our morning:

My eyes are closed here, but Juliette looks so happy!

Some nice memories to savor as I get back into the school groove.

Tell me when you think you'll be happy and how you cope with the waiting?