Monday, February 8, 2010

If my life had a soundtrack

One morning a few months ago after strapping Juliette into her car seat I got in myself and turned the ignition. The CD I’d been listening to the night before started playing. The first words were “he is trying to believe, that his life has a meaning.” The group Crowded House, Neil Finn’s graceful moan on Pour le monde. They seemed to be the exact words to describe my state of mind that day (and most days). I had spent a nuit blanche (literally a "white night" or sleepless night) pondering too many things. Like if my life here would ever be what I want or could have back home. If my husband, whom I was miffed at, could really understand how hard it is for me some days. Since that moment, I've felt better, then back down again. Seems to be a cycle with me.

I often wonder what my life would look like on the big screen. Of course they would edit out the boring parts of driving to work everyday and paying bills. Or they would put some funky music on (like that song from the Sliding Doors soundtrack) to do a montage sequence to make it seem fun. And as I made the big, difficult decisions in my life, there would be some upbeat piano music that would tell the audience everything was gonna be alright. But in reality our life has a lot of silent bits where we don’t know the outcome at all. Should there be somber jazzy music (Dire Straits, Your Latest Trick) to tell us we’re moving into a depressing time? There’s nothing to guide us in real life.

Sometimes I try to latch onto a song that could be mantra. It should be Gloria Gaynor’s I will survive. Or Gwen Stefani's What You Waiting For. Some days it’s something more melancholic and poetic. Like Muse’s Sing for Absolution (I know Jessy would approve!) I like to sing along in the car to this one, and sometimes it's as cleansing as a good cry.

But then there are those lighter moments when pop gems like Pixie Lott’s Momma Do lift me into an imaginary existence. The other day I nearly broke into a choreographed dance in the massive hall of the indoor mall when it came on. But lucky for the other mall-goers, I held back.

So readers, what are the songs to your life’s soundtrack?

5 comments:

Jenenz said...

A thought provoking post. So many songs go through my mind. "Don't Dream it's Over" springs to mind whenever I feel like giving up. "Walking on Sunshine" when life is really super good. There's song called, "Cake for Breakfast", when I'm living life to the the fullest. I remembered when I was in a 'mad at the world' phase and all I listened to was Nine Inch Nails songs. That was during the angry years.

Lindle said...

Your insightful post reminds me of the song,"Skateaway," by Dire Straits.
I felt this way so much in my younger years--losing myself in a song.
Excerpt: "in her ears the phones are tight and the music's playing loud.
she gets rock n roll a rock n roll station
and a rock n roll dream
she's making movies on location
she don't know what it means
but the music makes her wanna be the story
and the story was whatever was the song what it was..."

Muse's "Uprising" when I'm feeling empowered, but
for me lately, I guess it would be Joni's "Both Sides Now."
Life's soundtrack evolving...

Jessamyn said...

Definitely I feel Muse has been a soundtrack for me for awhile now. "Butterflies and Hurricanes" is still powerful for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
But I often go back to the melancholy because it somehow makes it a little better. Amelie's "Le Moulin" and the song from the Piano, "The Heart Asks Pleasure First." Those songs always seem to calm me down or help me find a moment of being content.

Gaius Balter said...

A really compelling blog! I must say it is one of the best I've seen

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