One morning a few months ago after strapping Juliette into her car seat I got in myself and turned the ignition. The CD I’d been listening to the night before started playing. The first words were “he is trying to believe, that his life has a meaning.” The group Crowded House, Neil Finn’s graceful moan on Pour le monde. They seemed to be the exact words to describe my state of mind that day (and most days). I had spent a nuit blanche (literally a "white night" or sleepless night) pondering too many things. Like if my life here would ever be what I want or could have back home. If my husband, whom I was miffed at, could really understand how hard it is for me some days. Since that moment, I've felt better, then back down again. Seems to be a cycle with me.
I often wonder what my life would look like on the big screen. Of course they would edit out the boring parts of driving to work everyday and paying bills. Or they would put some funky music on (like that song from the Sliding Doors soundtrack) to do a montage sequence to make it seem fun. And as I made the big, difficult decisions in my life, there would be some upbeat piano music that would tell the audience everything was gonna be alright. But in reality our life has a lot of silent bits where we don’t know the outcome at all. Should there be somber jazzy music (Dire Straits, Your Latest Trick) to tell us we’re moving into a depressing time? There’s nothing to guide us in real life.
Sometimes I try to latch onto a song that could be mantra. It should be Gloria Gaynor’s I will survive. Or Gwen Stefani's What You Waiting For. Some days it’s something more melancholic and poetic. Like Muse’s Sing for Absolution (I know Jessy would approve!) I like to sing along in the car to this one, and sometimes it's as cleansing as a good cry.
But then there are those lighter moments when pop gems like Pixie Lott’s Momma Do lift me into an imaginary existence. The other day I nearly broke into a choreographed dance in the massive hall of the indoor mall when it came on. But lucky for the other mall-goers, I held back.
So readers, what are the songs to your life’s soundtrack?