Life is about tests

(... in the style of a Meredith Grey voiceover*.)

Sometimes (pregnant pause), life is about tests.

There are the tests you know you are taking, that you can prepare for. These last two weeks I had quite a few of those. In statistics, micro and cell biology, and environmental management. They are tests in the literal sense of the word. They evoke cramming and late nights or early mornings and stress. And relief when they are finished. Afterwards you get a grade that makes you smile or wince and has some kind of effect on your future. Or not. Or not as much as you thought, when you look back years later.

Then there are tests we all take, students or not, every day. But they are trickier because in fact they aren't official and there's no one egging you on to do well. Except yourself, or your conscience. Like driving. Do I switch gears now, do I let that other driver in, do I proceed into the intersection now or a few seconds later? A multitude of small decisions that may seem small but could have major, lasting effects on our lives and those of others. Who's to say these "tests" aren't more important than the written ones that we make notecards for? They are, in fact, more important. But we don't always see it that way at the time.

And even more subtle but perhaps the trickiest of all are those moments when others test us- test our conscience or patience. Like when Juliette woke up way too early from her nap on an afternoon when I really needed to study for an official test. And I found myself getting irritated despite my efforts to smile and be sweet and cuddly to her while she rotated around my study corner. We are tested, we are pushed, and we must rise above our irritation and prioritize (child over homework). And sometimes we fail and we grumble and rumble and we regret it. And we hope we'll do better next time.

Maybe the real test in life is just that: deciding which tests are really important to pass and which ones we can forget about. And that's something you won't learn in any school book.

*As far as TV voiceovers go, Grey's Anatomy is not so bad. Slightly sappy but rather insightful. It comes in number two on my official voiceover ranking.

Desperate Housewives gets third place. I always feel like I'm having a children's book read to me. Enough already with the heavily emphasized "yes..." or "indeed" before every other statement. But sometimes trite stuff rings true.

But my all-time favorite voice-over sequence was from Glee when Wil and Coach Sue have a fight in their voiceover. TV genius!

Homebody vacation

First things first, a little holiday video for the Juju fans.

So it's Thursday and I've been dutifully ticking off things on my to-do list. Napping, check (though not every day). Baking, check, some sugar cookies with a super easy recipe from the Net. Light cleaning/organizing, check. A bit of the bookshelf and throwing out old magazines. Still not that energetic about complete apartment overhaul. Sleeping past six, er, not working out so well. Juliette seems to be an early bird, and has been for the past few months. We can't seem to sleep past six thirty around here. Is she conditioned to wake up knowing cartoons are on? Remind me to send hate mail to the TV channels. But, on the other hand, it does force me to get going. And generally I laze around eating breakfast, drinking tea and watching a bit of TV with Juju or checking my email. It's nice to look at the clock and realize I don't have anywhere to rush off to.

Remi's been working all week though getting some heating problems worked out at the greenhouse and taking advantage of the relatively mild weather to get ahead on things. Kind of a shame since this is my only week off till June. But to be honest it does give me time to get ahead on some home stuff and studying. And though I'm loving my time with Juju, who, incidentally, seems to be speaking more English this week, too much alone time makes me introspective. Only seeing the odd cashier or administrative person is not social enough for me. I've seen my Facebook checking increase sickeningly and my worries about school and life in general go up too. I guess it's normal that I'm taking stock of things half way into my studies. Luckily I'm doing ok grade-wise, but I find myself worrying about the future and finances, of course. And I think knowing my family is all together over in the US does kind of pull on me this time of year. Even though I've been able to vicariously live through their holiday plans via email and Skype, it's just not quite the same. Little sigh of homesickness!

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll be wishing I could get back even the greyer moments of this week once I'm back in school and complaining of the workload! This break was needed, and I'm enjoying it.

Finally!

I've been waiting for this date for so long! A whole week off, after nearly four intense months of school, punctuated by just two days off in November. The only thing is I'm afraid I won't take advantage of my time, that it will go by too fast, that I won't be rested enough for all that's to come after my break...

Whoah, there horsies... let's take a deep breath and try to enjoy this week instead of fretting about the post-break work. I'd like to be that care-free kind of person. The only thing is I know we've got an exam coming up the week we get back then two more in the weeks after that. I'll have to do some studying but I must vow not to go overboard. Maybe I should make a to-do list with fun and relaxing stuff that I also need to do. So, here we go:

• take naps
• bake cookies
• play with Juliette
• take walks
• watch movies
• sleep past six a.m.
• get apartment organized (oops, that sounds a bit like work); let's change that to "light cleaning"
  
• call family and catch up on their fun holiday plans...

Yep, it's gonna be hard for me this year compared to last when I spent a glorious three weeks state-side. I keep getting that flood of holiday memories of all the fun things we did last year, imagining the tastes and sights and sounds of America. I'm missing home and homeland something awful but I guess I've got plenty of distractions here with school. And it does get a little easier to spend Christmas in France now that Juliette is here.

She's much more aware of the holiday season this year. She still doesn't like Santa. Apparently she cried when he came to her school last week. And same reaction when we saw him at the supermarket giving out candy. When I ask her what she wants him to bring her, she just says, "no". When I tell her to look at the TV cause Santa's on, she says "no".

She hasn't been hastling us too much about opening presents but she occasionally asks about them. For now she's more into the box (typical!) that aunt Jessy's presents came in, and popping the bubble wrap.

Catki likes it, too. Ooh, scary cat eyes.

Here she is answering questions about the tree and decorations:




So, merry Christmas to you, dear readers, and let's all try to get some rest this holiday season.

How NOT to make a gingerbread house

My first attempt at a gingerbread house was quickly abandoned as I realized the icing recipe I had used was way too liquidy. I didn't have much powdered sugar so I found a recipe that didn't call for much, and the result was not what I wanted.

I call it the Gingerbread Crack House. Remi calls it a bunker or ghetto.

So today I bought more powdered sugar and used a proper recipe:

320 g powdered sugar
2 egg whites
Mix till glossy.
Spoon into a ziploc and close. Cut small hole in a corner.

The results were better, but still not stellar. Even if all I had to get right was the icing since I was using some Speculoos gingerbread cookies that I'd bought. I ended up using a bit of a cardboard box to "glue" my cookies onto and make it more stable. Remi helped out and made a roof. Then it was the fun part, decorating and eating bits of icing and candy.


We have moved out of the ghetto and into a middle-class fixer-upper.

It is still nothing to compare to the stuff you can find on the Internet.

Like this version of the house from the animated film Up. That's amazing!

Martha Stewart I will never be. But I don't think she tried to make gingerbread houses with a three year-old and full-time studies. Maybe so, though, and she did run a successful business. Oh, and spend time in prison for insider trading. I guess I'll content myself with being me after all.

Sick day

I'm spending some unexpected quality time with my little one today. She woke up with high fever and as I knew Remi was supposed to be planting in a village all day, he couldn't take her to the doctor. So Juju and I were off to the GP, who ironically I'd tried to get an appointment with yesterday as her cold was lingering. But he was absent, as was the pediatrician. But we got seen quickly today and as it seems the cold has gone into what he calls a super-infection in her bronchial tubes, we left with a prescription for antibiotics in hand.

She fell asleep in my arms on the couch and stayed asleep as I shifted her on to the pillows. I couldn't resist taking a picture of my sleepy red-cheeked baby.


She hardly ate a thing for lunch and now she's sleeping again. I hope this fever goes down soon. I always feel so bad when her colds seem to have gone too far. It's such a fine line between trying to let her fight it off with her own defenses and needing a bit of help from meds. This was one case where she really needed it.

I was almost relieved to have a day at home with her though, relatively guilt-free because she obviously needed to stay home. As I said in my last post, it's hard for me to sit still lately, but I need to. And I enjoyed holding my feverish girl in my lap, even though I know she's feeling weak.

I guess sometimes I'm a bit like Hermione in Harry Potter, the girl in the class who has already started making notecards for the next exam and likes to respond to the teachers' questions. But, believe me, I don't know everything. Sometimes I'm downright slow. But I've got this study-bug tendency. It's hard for me to know when I've studied enough. Things will start slacking off soon though (only to crank back up again in January with mega exams!).

I keep wanting to go all out on Christmas decorations, despite my lack of time. I'm gonna start decorating next weekend and maybe even make a gingerbread house (how did yours turn out, Amber?). And decorate those plain stockings I got super cheap at Target last year when I was back home (mega sniff sniff that I'm not going back this year...). But I don't know if I'll have so much time. Maybe I just need to make time for those fun soul-filling activities.

Got Juliette an advent calendar that has a nativity scene on it to teach her a bit about the real meaning of Christmas. There are little chocolates behind each door. This morning she asked me: "Baby Jesus got chocolate?" Oh, dear. I guess these things get mixed up in a child's mind.

Bundle up out there and enoy some cocoa. Until next time...

Thanksgiving week and weird pains

I made my Thanksgiving meal two days after. I've had to adapt my traditions while in France. Strangely, the French still haven't made it an official holiday here! I always feel a pinch in my heart as I trod off to work (or school this year) when I know my fellow Americans are preparing (or waiting for) scrumptious meals. So my tradition has become calling or writing my family and getting them to tell me what they're eating. My mouth generally waters just to hear words like honey-roasted ham and Sister Shubert's rolls (delicious yeasty rolls).

So on my side of the pond I made French-fried onion coated chicken filets (using the can of imported fried onions from mom: crush the fried onions, add an egg, coat chicken, bake at 400°F 20 minutes), potatoes, green beans and a pineapple cobbler thingey (again using a mix my mom had sent me). It was yummy and did make me feel linked to my country. I taught Juliette to say Happy Thanksgiving and tried to explain what the holiday meant, in three-year old terms. I think I understand why immigrants can be so tied to their home country's traditions. It's a way to keep their identity alive, to affirm their origins.

In other news I've been suffering from some excruciating joint pain. A few weeks ago Juliette was diagnosed with Fifth's Disease, which is a virus which causes a strange red rash on the arms, legs and cheeks. She was so bright red I thought I had burned her in the bath and we took her to the ER. The overworked doc from Romania ('cause there aren't enough French docs, it seems), said it was viral and a fever might rear its ugly head soon. But she was fine and the rash finally subsided.

But last Sunday it was my turn to get the rash and when I woke the next morning I felt like I was about 75 due to my creaky joints. If this is old age, it's not fun, people. Then during gym class I tripped (on my own foot!) and fell down and of course used my wrists to break the fall. (The fall was not due to the joint pain buy my eternal clumsiness. I broke my pinky in middle school trying to catch a football with all my fingers pointing out.) During the night I couldn't feel my fingers and the pain was intense. I figured I had a hairline fracture or something, and hauled myself to the ER the next morning, but the x-ray showed nothing. The pain continued, especially in the night, and my GP confirmed that all this was due to the virus, in fact. In adults joint pain is quite common. Reading a few forums on the Internet showed me that some people suffer from this pain quite a long time after the inital virus. As in years. I really hope that's not the case for me!

In other news, school is as intense as ever. Lots of exams coming up and a French paper which I must finalize. Two people in my class are seriously thinking of stopping. We're all rather frazzled and tired. This program tries to cram two years of courses into one. We have on average 38 hours a week of lessons, then you need to do some exercises and not fall behind on studying when you're at home. A night off for me is when I study on the couch instead of at the table. Last night I had such a raging a headache that I really did take the night off though. And it was nice.

Sometimes I find myself wishing this school year would hurry up and finish. But then I realize that also means Juliette's three-year old self will be finishing, too. And I already feel like I haven't gotten to appreciate my time with her this year. Sometimes she's the last little one at the after-school care when I pick her up at 6:10. I try to cherish my time with her, but I'm sometimes distracted by all I must do home and house-work-wise. But I do love the cute things she says, and I'll note a few before I forget.:
"Peek it on" instead of "keep it on" regarding her little undershirts. She's a bit obsessed with them. And also her cardigans 'cause she's learning to button things.
"Can we do Christmas when we get home?" because they're starting to make ornaments at school.
"Mommy, we're gonna take you to the doctor," when I showed her my own rash.
"The moon is broken," when she saw a quarter moon one night.

She does say a lot more things in French now, which is normal since she's hearing so much at school. Sometimes she'll go on in French mode with me and I try to get her to go back to English. Other nights she's more spontaneously English. I guess I can't force it.

In other words, we're just doing the best we can on all fronts, taking it one step at a time. What more can you do?

Warm Thanksgiving wishes to you all!

The same old song

(Almost) all the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
And I've been for a walk on an autumn's day
I'd be safe and warm
If I was in AL
Alabama dreamin'
On such an autumn's day!

Fall seems to make me more nostalgic for my home country. This season in general makes me turn inward, as if I'm mentally huddling down, hugging my scarf next to my face. In the evening I'm content more than ever to be a homebody as I pull the curtains on a prematurely dark world. And in the day I study the afternoon light that seems more intense, even if there's less of it, and it makes me think of the sunbeams in my mom's kitchen at this time of year. Maybe it's also Thanksgiving and Christmas coming around the corner. And fall was definitely my favorite season in AL, a respite from the stifling heat, as I'm sure I've said before.

I've been wishing I could teleport myself back to those places I know so well, to make a batch of cookies in that kitchen, to hug the necks of the people I'm missing. But school will keep me busy for the next eight months, so dreams of a cozy day back home are put on hold. But we've been trying to create our own coziness on this side of the pond. Making banana muffins (and I put a square of chocolate in the middle of each muffin before cooking them to give them a little kick!) and taking a few walks in foggy forests. Here are a few pics.

So I lied. Not all the leaves are brown. I love seeing a spot of color on a grey day.



So there are some sunny days! This is me being artsy taking my picture in a mirror. Remi got me this red coat two Christmases ago. I never would have picked it out myself, but now I say, why not. And putting on red on a dull grey day makes me feel immediately warmer.


Do you see what's wrong with this picture? In fact this is not a real store but just a big piece of fabric with the image of a storefront airbrushed on it. Took it near my school.

There's nothing like a chocolate iPhone to warm you up on a chilly day.

So, school has been nothing short of insane in terms of work load. I've come to the conclusion I just can't learn everything, so I'm trying to just prioritize. Almost done with the communication project for French which has really eaten up a lot of time. And I mean a lot. Then there's the research paper for French. And then all the scientific subjects which are, duh, very important. We've been doing lots of labs that analyze food products, like measuring the acidity in a Coca-Cola or the sugar content in milk. And in microbiology we've been given an unknown bacterial strain we must identify by doing a whole bunch of tests. Interesting but lots of work and I hope I'll remember it all for the exams and the lab exams which I'm totally dreading. That's where they give you a protocol and you must do it in four hours while teachers watch you! Can you say stress?

Juliette's a handful but then she'll say something so cute and cock her head to one side that I'll forgive her for all her cranky moments. She's getting into all the cartoons we can watch on the Disney channel in English. Did you know they changed the Mickey Mouse song? It's by They Might Be Giants and just as stick-in-your-heady as the old one. And now she's crept up into my lap and is asking if she can watch Elmo, please? Guess that's my cue to sign off!